Off the Beaten Hague
A phenomenal piece of work by the late Ron Mueck Museum Voorlinden.
The Hague (Den Haag) doesn’t exactly occupy anyone’s top spot for odd, unusual, overlooked, weird, or even spooky things. It doesn’t even sit many, many steps down. It’s a place for lawyers and financial-type folks and the dull-faced in offices, and then some more lawyers, the tales say. (These tales aren’t quite right, by the way, if you couldn’t figure that out.)
Aside from said lawyers, the Hague is home to Parliament, the International Criminal Court, the International Court of Justice, the National Theater, the World Forum, the King’s Working Palace, the Girl with the Pearl Earring at the museum Mauritshaus, a suite of additionally classy and cool museums like the Kunstmuseum and Louwman Museum, the walk-through Madurodam theme park of the Netherlands en miniature, a bevy of beautiful book stores, collections of sprawling parks, huddles of pubs in the narrow stretches of lanes between the downtown Grote Markt and the Royal Stables, and lots of other stuff befitting tourists with tastes a bit more mature than the pot and red light districts of Amsterdam’s Old Town – that’s not a knock on Amsterdam, by the way, but the tourists. The Hague also houses the long beachfront neighborhood Sheveningen, quaint and lovely shopping streets like Frederik Hendriklaan, the indoors Milan-light storefronts of the Passage, a pan-Asian district with some genuinely comfortingly authentic food, some lowkey baller and chill classical music recitals at the big church Grote Kerk, tons of libraries, loads of excellent coffee shops (the kind that serve coffee), some wonderful food halls with lots of reasonably-priced options, tons of outdoors markets year-round, wine and whiskey festivals, the reusable beer growler shop Free Beer, and that one empanada cart that seems to somehow show up at all of those festivals and outdoors markets simultaneously.
This article, however, will *not* talk about any of those things. Say what, you say? No it won’t. Plenty of other articles, blogs, websites, etc., have toured all of the above in full by now. I don’t want to simply retread, rehash, or revisit well-known information for the sake of padding wordspace.
Rather, we’re going to talk about the things that get overlooked in the Hague. And yes, that includes the odd, unusual, overlooked, weird, and even spooky. Some of these items are more known than others, while some will come as a surprise even to less intrepid locals who’ve lived in the city for years.
That’s not to say my list is exhaustive. In fact, I insist on not calling this article a listicle because I don’t like listicles. They’re lazy and a cheap way to snare the attention of the perpetually distracted who want easy-to-digest “content” along the lines of bite-sized Dutch kibbeling (fried fish). Then again, there is indeed something of a list – a short list, ok? – at the end of this unnecessarily long preface.
But anyway, here are a few secretish, niche places in The Hague that deserve attention. Just not too much attention, or you’ll ruin the sites. Don’t expect the list to change your life forever, though. Just expect it to illustrate how The Hague is more than lawyers and government
1. Molly’s Game: The #1 (and sometimes #2) rated escape room in the world
Molly’s Game: Say that title to escape room aficionados the world over and you’re likely to see some eyebrows raise. Yes, Molly’s Game is in The Hague: the escape room voted either number 1 or 2 – swapping with The Dome in Amersfoort – in the world for years running. When I went I had a prolonged chat with the owner/builder/designer/writer because his scheduled allowed it. And as a person who’s done his fair share of escape rooms, I can safely say that Molly’s Game is an absolutely phenomenal, jaw-dropping accomplishment. I’m only sorry that I can’t explain precisely why it’s so amazing because I don’t want to spoil it for people. Suffice it so say that it’s a true work of brilliance, unparalleled narrative cohesion, and professional polish elements that put other rooms to shame.
If you’re in The Hague and dig this kind of thing, don’t hesitate – just do it. Bus it and walk, take a train, whatever. It’s in a residential neighborhood near Leidschendam in the city’s southeast, so it’s accessible if not super convenient to reach. But take care and book ahead, because Molly’s Game is in high demand unless you go early in the day during the week. And bring your brain along – you’ll need it.
2. Bunker Complex Rijskdorp: Abandoned World War II walkthrough bunkers (in Wassenar, a little north of the city)
Technically this isn’t “in” The Hague. It’s more, let’s say, just about close enough that I’m going to include it in this list. And believe me: This took some research on my part to find, as a person who loves old, abandoned, urbex-inducing places. And no, this site isn’t attached to the World War II-built Atlantic Wall that stretches across the western coast of Europe. But, it’s related, and an excellent opportunity to imagine otherwise remote and mythologized events unfold in your mind’s eye.
From The Hague, the Wassenar bunkers are a bus and a walk away to a red mailbox outside of what is now someone’s property. Tours are guided, only in Dutch, but it’s fine because the guy – I assume it’s the one guy doing the tours – speaks limited English to fill in the blanks. You walk around the wooded grounds looking at moss-shrouded fragments of old walls and protective structures, and go down into quite a few bunkers. It’s cold, dark, dirty, has some pictures at certain spots to show you what the area looked like back during World War II, and is generally amazing and extremely informative. Worth the time to book and go if you can manage it.
3. Het Rariteiten Kabinet: A creepy taxidermist/antique shop
Depending on your mileage, a visit to this little place will either take five minutes or fifty minutes. And be forewarned: The proprieter is a hoverer who will most definitely prowl nearby while you’re in his shop and provide lots of little anecdotes about this or that. Honestly, he’s probably just bored. He told me he’s been there for decades, and his shop is the only one of its kind in such-and-such area.
As for every item in the shop … Well, if you’re into the creepily paralyzed remains of once-living creatures staring at you through glassy and lifeless eyes, then you’re in luck. But, there are other knickknacks memorabilia on hand, too, like rifles, rocks, cups, a bongo drum or something, a kettle, some woodworking, some bags … Ok, if you prefer, you could think of this place as an antique store curated by a fetishistic taxidermist. Also, did I mention the owner?
4. Rijksmuseum de Gevangenpoort: A Torture Museum (the most well-known item on this list)
Ok, the torture museum is not a secret. But, I’m betting that most visitors come across it by accident thanks to its happy location almost right across from Parliament. Then again, there are no big signs to indicate its presence – nothing at all besides an old brick arch that serves as a good spot for “The Gram,” as I’m told some people might say but I never will except in mockery like in this exact sentence.
But anyway: Torture. Who doesn’t love seeing a guillotine that once lopped off heads? Implements for stabbing, carving, slicing, shaving, poking, prodding, burning, branding, stretching, and more await. There’s also cells for prisoners, rooms for the nobleperson or whomever lived on site, and that one torture device that looks like a spread-eagle gingerbread man with a penis slot. This is real history, folks. Own it.
5. Museum Voorlinden: A quirky unusual modern art museum (also somewhat known)
While The Hague has loads of art museums, and even the whoppingly huge and impressive Kunstmuseum – containing older and new work, but skewing towards newer – Voorlinden is definitely the oddest. This is another site that isn’t completely unknown, but which you’ll miss if you’re planning a trip and only focus on the downtown parts of The Hague. Voorlinden will require a tiny bit of a trek by taxi or car to the city’s northwestern edge away from the northern limit of the city’s beach area, Sheveningen. Or, do as the Dutch do and bike there.
Voorlinden stands out for its idiosyncratic, even kooky suite of rooms. Each room contains a discrete, memorable exhibit that’s very, very different from all the rest. Standouts for me include the room kitted out like the underside of a swimming pool, this room where the lighting blacks out except for the blue, cage-like lines of a jungle gym kind of thing in the middle, and an exceptional piece by the late Ron Mueck, featuring a squishy, oversized elderly couple laying on the beach. There’s even expansive grounds outside for you to walk, and an outdoors pavilion to sit and have a drink or snack.
6. Uitzichtpunt Meteotoren: Beach tower, hike, and nature preserve
Finally, we’ve another outdoors option for folks that involves a hike (ok, a walk on semi-flat land) through a nature preserve by the beach and an old historical tower. Don’t expect to be wowed and wooed by the tower’s architecture or anything, but do except to be pleasantly surprised by how much standing at that spot feels like you’re so far removed from anything but the nature preserve itself.
Accessible via the northeastern edge of Sheveningen, The Hague’s strip of beach along its western side, Uitzichtpunt Meteotoren is not just a good opportunity to experience a fairly isolated, uncluttered, beach-adjacent environment, but it’s excellent way to get a sense for how beautiful the natural land is. Plus, it’s the perfect capstone to a jaunt along Sheveningen’s endless strip of shops and bars. Also, I didn’t take any pictures of this place, so use your imagination. Or use Google.
That’s it. Since I live in The Hague, I figured I should represent the city and show it off a bit – at least some of its less known faces. If you pass through, give the items in this article a list. Or, find your own favorite spot. I’m sure it’s here waiting.